MOVED MOVED MOVED. :D
Finally decide to put this away and move.

♥

i hate how things are falling now.
not emo anymore about G cause somehow , sometime we need to get over this.
like i said maybe being best friends are better off than having a relationship.

Hate how things are happening between our girlfriends.

I wish janice all the best with Mr.Gq and really my best wishes for this two , im waiting to be your best-lady for your weddding kay. Dont get so disappointed and lose hope in love as u see one by one close to you falling apart. understand all of us need to get through this period of life.

Chengtheng be strong , though i couldnt be there to help u and console you we need to be strong.
How coincidence that we all broke off and is going through this together. We always dont believe that the guy we love so much could do this to us , but the fact is guys are heartless when they break off / they seem to move on so easily and easier than we girls do but remember they're guys that's why.

Kailin lets hope u get over this sooon and how much i want to feel for u i became too numb about this issue call love and fuck love forever cause forever doesnt exist. Move on slowly take time too but u've been holding on for 1 year already and i believe u are moving on slowly.

Juliana we are just a call away dont bottle everything inside and as much as i want to tell u to move but i learn from you what devoted really means. 1 month of love could make u hold on to him for 3 years , i couldnt help but just salute your faithfulness. you will find the right one for you soon really.

Cheryl dont worry but lets just face it. the reason he gave was lame and stupid. enough of getting yourself hurt and sad get over it and u will find someone nice and love you more.

For myself constant remind myself that life should be live happier and not dwell on past . though its hard but time to take a break / tired to believe that love will make a person happier cause ultimately whatever given out there is no payback . Too many failed relationships , nothing is able to make me happy cause how can all my gfs be facing the same problem like i do . Need to stay strong for the sake of them . Need to .

love you all much . Please stay strong and im so worried for cheng now cause she is missing and she blogs about meeting us in heaven. Goddamn it , make me feel like dying also . It's killing us slowlyyyy!

♥

even this had to go . it holds way too much memories.
Will never be stupid to delete cause its too much , just maybe will move and find another space to write in ..

ytd was very irrational of me to not think of consquences and i just went ahead with it.
this time no more sorries cause maybe this is the reality we had to learn to accept.
usually wouldnt lose my cool this way but just had to burst cause of the harsh words used and it was a big whole dramama that all i remembered was hurling of nasty comments across the living rooom .

" dislike being in this " is what keeps me moving for now .
if i could re-do this all over , i will still choose to make friends with u guys not a regret , but regret for making things turn out this way will choose to hold our mutal love inside and carried on with being friends , i think im better off as a friend than a Gf.

for the last time i will be posting regarding us am going to throw everything aside and learn the word "control".

i will leave everyone and everything if things could be easier and simplified.

♥

ive so many drafts so many that i feel like posting it up but i dont see a point.
i dont want people to even come here and think that why am i writing all this .
i guess i will let it stay in my heart forever.
im sick of seeing myself act this way , never thought i could do so much to myself .
im glad youre happy to see me being strong but sorry ive lied , never wanted to keep myself strong this way.
drowning myself with so much alcohol everyday just to keep my mind off everything .
Really am in need of a drinking partners , its no longer you guys anymore , i cant keep pestering people with my problems .

i know next time or in the future when ive completely moved on , i look back here in my silly blog and will find myself so childish and so immature in handling this puppylove r/s.
But do u understand that i dont see into the future , i dont have the power or mind to look far ahead but as far as i could now i try to hold it in my heart till the day comes and ive change.

Money was suppose to motivate me but work sucks nowadays , need to work harder please money roll please!

i need something light hearted to blog about.
Move eileen move!

♥

i think i need to shift out of here and move to another blog.
no point i write here cause people will think that im just taking too hard .
a cyber space to pen down my thoughts .

♥

even if everyone thinks that im taking too hard for a breakup , i hope u know what my heart means and that is all it matters.
friends are good enough for me.
a timeframe is just letting me give it another try after changing.
it's not to bind you or me down /
all is does matter is when i look back when im older at least i tell myself ive tried and give my best shot.
life , no time and room for regrets & this is what i learn.

♥

am doing it quite well for the past 2 days.
so going to contd this wayy and letting go slowly.
i know he will be happy too.

Really want to be so thankful to these people .
either i bother them too much with my msges if not they were there to listen.
So much appreciation. (:
Juls.Kaikai.JaniceBaby.Jinlian.Zhenxu.Almy.Dini.jm& D.( who listened to me rant for the last time)

♥

i'm really taking it slow and taking it not too hard on myself.
whoever who comes to my face and ask me why im can let go so easily i will box you and fuck u off.
i dont wan people to think that im wailing and crying for the sake of asking him to stay, ultimately whats the point.
im tired also to myself seeing my body and mind being so heart broken , but its the fact i need to learn how to face it one day.
i dont like it when people ask me am i taking it too hard on him even as a friend?
i mean half my life im attached to someone who is so dear to me left me and you expect me to stop messaging him , i tell you i cant.
i told him i will stop messaging one day but just give me time to slowly reduce my messages day by day.
Not trying to act like oh im so strong here , so save that .
And if he doesnt like me to message him or calling him up randomly , tell me in my face also .
Its time to get real and truthful here i dont want it to end up in a message that said " sorry you're just being irritating here alright?"

i know many will tell me why do i still want to act like as if i and him still are in a relationship.
But to me i feel that he is the only one only one that didnt leave me with hatred and lies and i feel that i had already jepordise our relationship why our friendship again.
you guys nv knew how we were close before we started our relationship , and i dont wan to lose that.
im really taking things slow and yes just purely friends i dont have any agenda or motive for us being together again just that i feel that the close friends status we used to have shouldnt be lost.

Im so glad ive talked things out to him , i feel happy also having him to tell me " i'll be there to lend u a hand and we will tide this over slowly , i know u need time "
This is what i feel that from lovers we still could reach this stage of friendship and i just want to keep it this way.

Definitely a part of me still want us to get back , just that it's just not his wish .
anything i could do even by leaving and giving up our relationship to make him happy , i will.
we wanted to give happiness to us but since happiness couldnt last in us , by being friends happiness will last .

♥

everything seems okay.
im tired of lying that everything about me and (us) is okay.
it's when night falls everything is so hard, im moving alone youre moving on.
i took courage to prompt you that qns but instead of having your own courage , you took my courage and take it is yours.

i couldnt help but think how time will do miracles , it will i believe but im as blind as i was in love that time isnt helping but taking me slowly away.

i thought i could handle this well since we will all be friends again .
As i grow and feel that love could be part of us , reality hits us even harder cause we always blindly believe in faith and love could be so real.
But i guess this time reality hits me twice as much as what ive given into us.

Didnt i try hard enough? i went to work trying to exhaust every part of my body, my mind but what did i get at the end of the day , nothing but tears nothing but again my mind start wandering off.
smile and explaining slowly but behind me was a heart with tears that i couldnt explain much further , wiping my tears and go level to level door to door.
i tried ive tried but maybe to you its just not hard enough .
Just like how not enough ive given to you.
so imperfect in your eyes.


Really want to get away from this emomomo feeling but this is the only space i can pen down my thoughts.

♥

it's just part of our life we have to go through.
im sorry for not being the best.
im sorry for being inconsiderate sometimes.
im sorry for not able to hold on to what we promised.
im sorry to make a part of u so hurtful.
im sorry for not trying to understand a bit.
im sorry for being wilful.
im sorry for being overly-paranoid at times.
im sorry for snatching your pillow from you at times.
im sorry for always making to make decisions.
im sorry for always pms-ing.
im sorry for bombarding you with my compo messages.
im sorry for not able to love u like how u loved me.
im sorry for not walking into the future we used to said.
im sorry for breaking ur heart at times.
im sorry for hiding ur pillow and played childish games with you.
im sorry for not understanding and try to save our relationship.
im sorry for pressing you too hard at times.
im sorry for the days ive made u angry , made u sad.
im sorry for making u tired.
im sorry for not doing things u want to do.
im sorry for being the girl whom u find things tedious to handle.
im sorry for so forcing u to take photos when u dislike it.
im sorry for being so naggy sometimes, maybe always.
im sorry for not trying to let go of us.
im sorry for trying too hard.
im sorry for all this 1 year 6 months 2 days everything ive done to add on to your anger.
im can be sorry for so many things , but at the end of the day i need to move on and know that we are over.
there is so many sorries i could say its endless.

but im only thankful for one single thing .
im thankful for having u as part of my life (once) , your imperfections were perfections in my eyes. i always have said that you are like a God's Gift to me and still you are.




i got alot more to dedicate this to you but i cant do it anymore.
really am sorry for not being strong.

♥

6:24am

think im leaving this space until i find something good to fill it up with.

♥